September 24, 2015

I Suck At Blogging

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Let's face it.  I am not a good blogger.

Over the past several years, on this very blog, I've written about economics, data, math, science, philosophy, dreams, the universe, jokes, resumes, business, futurism, and The Onion.    I even wrote one article where literally every sentence was semi-randomly generated (with the help of some custom JavaScript code that I wrote), so the article was entirely different every time it was read… I've never seen anybody even attempt something like that before!

But nobody gives a flying fuck.  Total crickets.  I've written precisely 60 blog entries and have 6 comments TOTAL.  It's sad.


You can think of my blog as a party.  I had envisioned that I'd be the hip maître d'hotel, sashaying about, serving scallops wrapped in bacon (aka, my delightfully witty blog entries) to a crowd of  high-powered and exclusive guests (my message board commenters).

But the reality seems to be that my party is on par a sub-par Marching Band / Color Guard mixer, where several attendees are wearing orthodontic headgear and others are having a depressingly passionate discussion about Boba Fett.  And instead of scallops wrapped in bacon, my posts are more like a bag of Utz potato chips and some french onion dip straight from a can, with the CVS price tag still on it, set atop a rickety card table.
 

So, if these words find their way to your eyeballs, then right at this very second you are attending arguably the lamest party on the Internet.  Congrats.

In related news, I am presently in discussions with my publicist, evaluating the merits of me posing nude to boost readership.  However, some preliminary A-B testing of the idea suggests that that's a terrible strategy.  Perhaps I should just pose topless, and see how that goes first.

Anyway, in each of my articles, I try to present an imaginative comparison or analogy, to provide my readers with some novel perspective.  So, here goes: There are likely several hundred Japanese scat-themed sites with substantially larger readerships than my sorry, sorry blog.

tl;dr:  When it comes to blogging, I am bad and should feel bad.

4 comments:

  1. What? I think this is an excellent blog, Brett. You are a very interesting person. And handsome!

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  2. I wholeheartedly concur! This is not a sad blog! You are one cool dude, Brett McLaughlin, if I'm spelling that name correctly.

    I will most certainly begin inviting you to all of my parties, forthwith!

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  3. I am a woman, and find this blog very interesting! It explores similar topics to my Bravo shows about men and houses and things.

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  4. Make money from home! I used to work just like you but now I make more than $4000 per month working only ten hours per week!

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